I lack will power :/

2:44am

Sigh, it's so late! Too scared to sleep cos I know I'm going to wake up feeling worse. And I don't want to be awake cos, well it's 2:45am!

The pain sucks...so much! Physically and Emotionally. Well I guess I could take pain pills and anti-depressants, but that just sounds stupid!

don't scratch...don't scratch...don't scratch....

I know I need people to help me through this, but confused about what do I actually need. Decided to turn to the mighty search engine Google to assist me..and it wasn't helpful x_x Guess I have to decipher myself what my heart is saying. Dammit why couldn't i have a search engine for myself!

needing someone makes me feel so so bad :/ .It's like I'm being a nuisance and just distracting them. Hence, I'l never admit to needing someone!It's uber scary!If i had to admit such a thing, I'l probably end up stalking that person O_O and thats not cool x_x I claim an overly massive teddy bear which i could hug would be a sufficient replacement to a human being :D aww i wana beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeg cute bear! would be awesome if he could rawr :O epic

http://i.ehow.com/images/a04/8i/g0/show-real-smile-photographs-800X800.jpg - AFREAKENDORABLE :D meouwwww


blood...oops :/


RANDOM QUOTE STUFF LIKE THINGS I FOUND( SOME relevant to me) :
--

I’m a liar because I wont tell you everything
I’m stupid because sometimes im wrong
I’m ugly because my face isn’t perfect
I’m a pushover because I like making people happy
I’m a loser because I’m a not friend with your group
I’m fake because I’m too niceI’m weird because I’m not like you
I’m fat because I eat when I’m hungry.
I’m clingy because I don’t like to be alone
I’m insecure because I care about what people think of me.
I’m no fun because I'm not always hyper
Don’t try to tell me who I am

Because
I already know.

--

Sometimes, you just have to stop caring. You have to turn off all emotion and feeling To protect yourself from getting hurt... you Have to stop [[caring]] about what other people Think of you & be yourself : sometimes.You have to hide it all -- not let anyoneKnow how you feel or what you think ''*You have to put a s m I l e on your face &+Pretend everything is fine . Even whenIt’s not... sometimes that's the only way toSave yourself

--

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”
-Neil Gaiman

--
Do you want to know what my problem is?
I will tell you what my problem is… i love you. I love your name, I love the way you look at me, I love your gorgeous smile, I love the way you walk, I love your beautiful eyes, I love the sound of your laugh, i love the way you get mad, i love the way i dont understand you at all. I love the way I can be having the worst day of my life and seeing you completely changes my mood. I love how when you touch me I get weak, thats my problem...

--
In this weird twisted way, I know you miss me liking you, not because I want to believe it's true, but because you'll
never find a girl that can put up with you like I did; you'll never find a girl who will care as much as I did, because no one will waste all their love on someone like you, like I did

--

never apologize for saying what you feel :; because [[ that's ]] like saying
" sorry for being real "




*attempts to sleep*


goodnight Google blogs
3:29am

Everyone thinks I'm okay, but no one sees me when it hurts the most... :(

I NEED a massive never-ending hug :(

I want 4 first's for all my subjects this semester...Look I'm being optimistic! woooooooohooooooo

Idiots

Honestly, why the fuck do people ask me why I'm sad. My dad just passed away. Surely I have a right to be sad. Fucking idiots.

grr

I'm super irritable,it's so irritating :( getting so pissed off!!!!!!!! and then i started stressing. Think I'm worried about Stats, thought I would be okay, then I looked at the tutorials and I couldn't do them!!! :(

Ok nemo dont stress. Two more days to study...be positive. Deep breathes . iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin and oooooooooooooout x10 .

im in the habit of scratching again, even if im not itching *sigh* If i were mentally stable,eczema wouldn't be much of a problem nor would uni!

So im told i should take a break next year, so my body can relax and skin can get better etc. But i have this feeling im going to push myself to do honours. That means im going to be a pain in everyones butts next year aswell!

alternatives to honours :

Do nothing
Become a full-time ninja
Save the kitties
Study Hifz -it'd be a nice thing to do
Go to beauty school - can learn how to handle my skin
work for family business
become a criminal
assassinate whores

Quite a variety, but i still dont know. Hmm if I continue studying at UCT, life will always be stressful, hence il be a overly problematic child for that period while studying.


maybe if i ate my cupcake id feel better lol. but i cant eat it until later :(