The end is near

Went to a 21st last night, was good , but somehow i was feeling major depressed !! Think it's cos of my skin, I think it's scarred (cos it was so severely bad earlier in the year that I think it might have damaged my skin). Sigh! But I shall not give up trying. My aunt keeps on lecturing me on how I need to relax and take care of myself , bleh. I am trying, perhaps not hard enough ?

Exams starts in about 2 weeks for me . *scary*. Started studying today, wanna do reasonably well this exams. Don't know how not to stress though, thats kinda difficult for me. I don't know how not to feel sad either, if i see a reflection of my skin in anything I get so saaad. Maybe If I lived in a world with no mirrors/reflections I'd never really worry about my skin. Or if photo's didn't exist. That would be an awesome world. Class photo this week :/

woooooooosaaaaaaaaaaaa

Think I shall book myself a needed massage this week.

I feel like taking the day off and just relaxing somewhere! But damn everyone is so busy! Stuuupid Exams. I guess I'll have to wait till after then!

Ok let me think of something of intellect to talk about...hmm. I really should consider carrying a notebook around where I can write my ideas about to blog about. When I ACTUALLY have something interesting to write about I always seem to forget it *sigh*

My sister has this theory that my skin will probably clear up when I'm pregnant (One day Insha-Allah, soon :P). I will be sooo pissed off if that happens, well and happy at the same time. If that were a guarantee I'd probably get married right now! Well if I had someone to marry ( I won't marry that village guy who already has a wife )

Just got asked if I have a boyfriend. Weird. The sudden notion of me having a boyfriend just seems soooo odd. Jeez.

Well since I'm on the topic of marriage and boyfriend's I might as well blog about something relationships-like.

The whole process of liking someone is so ANNOYING. It turns out to be a game. First both parties are confused as to whether the other party is interested in them. The annoying process of telling each other you like each other.

Annoying things that happen during the process :

1) When you get a sms from the person you like, even though you saw the sms immediately when you got it, you reply a WHILE later so you don't seem eager like you were waiting for the sms.

2) When the person comes online (Gmail, Facebook,MSN or whatever) you don't want to say hello because you waiting for the other person to say hello first.

3) You attempt to make the other party jealous

4) Playing hard to get

Urgh. What a pain.

Oh yes!!! Friend said she going to UK and got accommodation . I'm so going with. I hope. Damn I so need to get friends together and go backpacking, would be awessssssssssssome

Sleepy Time

Night

Total Randomness

I have pictures to put on this post :D Don't pictures just make everything a million times better? (Except when I'm in them xD - Hate photographs, well I used to love them back in my younger days :P)

So here is breakfast from the other day when i started my "detox". Tuna with pepper ( It was a whole tin of Tuna, apparently that is too much? I think not...), Avocado, Cucumber and Provita! Oh yes, with a cup of Rooibos tea no milk no sugar! Was awesome. It took so much effort to make this though, well in comparison to cereal and making an egg.

Here is a picture of Saamiyah my ADORABLE niece! I just wanted to see what she would look like in a scarf...Little cute pink thing :D

I had to make candyfloss and thus I summoned my candyfloss dawgs/engineers (Ashfaak, Raees, Zubayir and Fish), I was the photographer ^_^

Zubayir - Cleaner, had to get the hard pieces of candyfloss out of the silver bowl thingy with his wooden spoon while the candyfloss machine was running. He once ignored his duties and twirled his wooden spoon and made some candyfloss.

Fish - He either said "Increase Production"/"Decrease Production". Wise man.

Ashfaak and Raees - Masters of candyfloss

Me- Random. I twirled. I tied. And I itched for quite some time making me incapable of helping them.

This was at 2am when no more candyfloss could be made. Everyone had blue tongues due to the last batch of um 'candyfloss' :P

So yesterday I fetched Mei at about 11am and we went to Cavendish because I wanted to buy shoes. We left Cavendish Just after 6pm. INSANE. Probably lost some weight due to walking around for that long. I didn't even find a shoe after all that time, how sad.

I had Kauai for lunch. A Chicken Mexican Burrito on wholewheat bread and an energizer smoothie. Trying to keep the 'healthy' thing going.

I ended up buying a dress from the KIDDIES section in Woolworths. I tend to shop in the kiddies section often. Firstly the clothes fits me, secondly its cheaper (Most of the time) than the adult section. Going to be hilarious when I land up wearing the same thing as a 5 year old in the same place.

I bought STATIONERY. Yes I did! I really don't know why I get so excited about stationery. Bought 3 pens and a little book for committee meetings. I was in Juta and I realised I really want one of these pen stands. REALLY REALLY! One day. Just imagine, my study room, with bookshelves with actual books in it and the pen stand. Heaven! I'd probably be permanently studying just so I can try out different pens.

My love for stationery is so vast that Mei included it in her belated birthday gift to me. How sweet!! Here some pictures. Its a Lindt wafer slab, skittles, CUTE KOREAN TISSUES, and Asian stationery. Maybe I should start collecting stationery from around the world? I'd probably just lose them anyways. Probability of me losing stationery is 0.99 :/

Oh she also got me this cute tiger blank thingy. It says for ages 3+. I should be relatively safe I assume?

I found this funny at the time. Mei parked her car, look even the light went red!

Didn't go to campus today. Skin got infected AGAIN. Insomnia is back AGAIN. Trying to relax today. Drinking tons of water, so I wash this stupid infection away. I will get rid of you Infection!!!! DIE!!!!!!!!!!

Super long post..

I'm reading this book "Love in a Headscarf", seems good so far. In this book the author talks about a story where the Prophet (S.A.W) was forced to walk down an alleyway where this woman used to throw rubbish at him She did this because she did not agree in the belief of One God he was propagating. One day the Prophet (S.A.W) , was walking down the alleyway but the woman wasn't present. Instead of being happy by her absence, he went to figure out why she wasn't there. It turned out that the lady was sick. He went to visit her and offered her any assistance that she might need. This lady was so amazed that after the way she treated him , he STILL came to come see her. The Prophet (S.A.W) advised the lady that EVEN those who show you difficulties should be looked after, because that what being Muslim was all about.

This just shows if someone treats you badly or is rude and such. You DON'T have to be same way back. Be different. Be nice.

Awesome!

5 Weeks till mom is back.

Laters

All I want is everything...

*Last nights post*

Sigh heard noises, not the usual roof noises, it was banging on the side garage side I think? So I'm now in my mothers room and I locked the door, just in case anything happens. *Sigh* Definitely have to marry a strong fearless guy , else I'm screwed. Can't be with someone more cowardly than me, that would suck!

I actually miss somebody! Weird~ Girls especially are always missing their friends, jeez. I hate it when they tell me they missed me, because I didn't miss them. That doesn't mean I don't want to hang out with them or anything...I just didn't miss them. Girls 'miss' so often.

Aunty is home! Yay . Seriously can't stand all the noises I hear when there is no one to protect me! :( I seriously think If someone were to ever rob my house while I was home alone I'd probably just die on the spot or coward into a corner and pray that nothing happens to me. Or maybe my kitty will evolve into super kitty will save me (that would be awesome)

Third Jungle Oats bar, so much for losing weight.

I have an IS awards thingy coming up and the people that I want to take probably wont come with.! How sad.

*end*

Just got a call from Imraan in India (He was our driver when my family and I stayed there). When he called I didn't realise it was him because his tone was so different. Then he told me his father died from a heart attack *sigh* Another death. :( This year is really sucking :(

Be strong Nemo...be strong

My cousin

I have this cousin he is about 13 if If I'm not mistaken and he is completely deaf. When his mother applied for him to get a cochlear implant they rejected his application and thats when the costing of the surgery would amount to somewhere around R30 000.

Currently it's about R120 000, and with speech therapy and other costs, it would probably come to R200 000 or more. I need to think of ways to raise money to help. His family ain't exactly got money and are really struggling as it is. He has a sister who is half dead, but we not certain why ,but she turned out autistic (not sure?). She doesn't function as a normal person, runs around taking her clothes off and totally abnormal activities. So they could really use the help. It feels as if I do nothing about it , then nothing is going to get done. He WANTS to hear, I know it's frustrating for him.I'd pay anything to be able hear, there is definitely no cost on being able to hear.

I need to be strategic, start something that will help me change his life, but at the same time initiate something so great it could change other peoples live as well. Well, I can't really think of such things now since it's almost exams, but afterwards. I want to help and as his cousin I feel it is my duty to. I wish I were super rich, that way I could just give the money.

I so want to become a billionaire - that way I can have an awesome life, but at the same time I can directly help people.

Kitty Post

Supposed to be at a 21st now, but I'm really not feeling well. Never slept last night because I was stressing about an assignment.

My mother is 5 days away now. It's weird about how sensitive I am , yet my 'missing someone' capability is quite non-existent. I consider myself very sensitive, yet very tough.

I really want to blog, but about something non-emo. Can't seem to think of anything worthwhile right now.

Oh I was thinking about the time I stole a cat. Not something I would do anymore. I think I was 7, young and um a thief? I just kind of remember someone walking around with a cat to all the classrooms at school. When that person arrived at my classroom I just blurted out that the cat was mine. Why would I do such a thing? Could I not handle looking at that cuteness anymore that I had to take it? Did I want to rebel? (not sure against w

hat though) or did I actually think that the cat belonged to me? If only I knew what was going through the mind of the 7 year old me. Well anyways, this was the day that I started the generations of cats in my house. Yes, it was my fault.

The domestic worker , Regina if I'm not mistaken came to fetch me from school, we found a box and took the new stolen kitty home. She was named Nala, like the lion from the Lion King. She was an awesome kitty, if I put my hand out she would give her paw and we'd shake hands. One morning I woke up to find that my brother found Nala in his cupboard with kittens! She gave birth in his closet. How exciting, little kittens everywhere!

There was a big box in the TV room, where Nala and her kittens stayed. Nala would always pick a kitten up and drop the kitten outside my moms room door. Sh

e kept on doing it! Was funny.

Hmm what was the kittens name, memory test for me. I remember Chunky, Blacky, BigHead, Buttons hmm there was more. I remember blacky scratched me on my chest! Also some of the kittens were killed by the dog that lives behind my house.

I don't know what happened to Nala, I think she disappeared one day. :(

We had so many kitties it's insane. We had Bigheads daughter for about 7/8 years then we put her to sleep because she was suffering. Her nose was rotting away (think she had cancer). I couldn't look at her, because it hurt so much. I wanted to help, but there was nothing I could do.

The current cat we have was found by my siblings near the field where they work. She was scrawny and looked in an extremely horrible state. She is ok now, expect with a weird cough. Her name is stinky,Stinkerbell or Tinkerbell. Anything goes :)

Here is a picture of stinky in her unfortunate state. But she looks good and healthy now.

Garfield, he was killed by the neighbours dog. I remember my mom blaming me for his death :( It wasn't though, I guess I'll still feel guilty though...

This was a kitty we got from my aunt and then gave away.

Well, I guess it ended up being a blog about kittens. My love for cats has somewhat disappeared since I don't touch or hold them anymore because of my skin. But one day I shall hold awesome cute kittys in my arms again. I will so end up being that old lady with a million cats. I think I want some moles to, they so soft and cute and when u put them in a shoe box they just run into the box walls. Aww man.

Major tired now..

Night

Dazed and confused

I detest you right now.

Moving on.

MSA Cake Sale went well on Friday, so that was great!

House filled with people. Not fun. Really not fond of large crowds. Last night before mom leaves early tomorrow on Hajj. Six weeks of no mother.

This song makes me shiver! Probably saw it live when he was here in 1995/1996, but I was too young to remember! Apparently I cried when he performed thriller though.

Really nice Nasheed. Maher Zain is pure awesome.

Stressed!

Sigh...I am so stressed...yesterday I broke down crying at campus...still don't know what was the exact reason I was crying. Was in such a bad state that I couldn't do my presentation. Sat in the workshop anyways and just slept on the desk. That totally sucked.
*googles chronic depression symptoms*

One quiz says I have "severe depression", another "high risk for major depression", another- may be suffering from clinical depression.

Ok I did about four, same outcome! Jeez

Went to the chinese store with Mei and this lady was taking packets of springrolls, she needed 13 packets but took 14 because 13 packets is bad luck. Really now??

So stressed right now, because someone told me and made their status that they not supporting the cake sale on Friday because the mosque its linked is dodgy. I didn't know that, nor did anyone mention it :( Sigh. It made me so upset that he said there are other orphans out there. What about the orphans that this project supports? So selfish. The money is going to the ORPHANS though not the mosque, but I feel stressed anyways. :(

Skin is sucking aswell, have to endure this pain in my face whole day. Not fun.

Let me think of something positive to balance out the negativity. I passed my eco's test,but did worse than MOST of the people. Got 66, which was super low for that test. At least I passed I guess.

Other positive things...um...yeah thats all. Maybe next week will be better *fingers crossed* >.<

oh yes played with cousins huuuuuge baby. omw. Fat babies! so awesome. I def want one!

ok bye

...

I feel so weird and confused! Don't even know what to blog about anymore. I figure the usual emoness must be getting really boring by now. Could being emo be considered a profession? Professional Emo. Probably wouldn't be good for society.


Why has there been so much DRAMA lately? Seriously don't like it and can't handle. I'd also like to be left alone whether I'm wearing my scarf or not. It's not your problem. I don't like wearing scarf cos of my BAD ECZEMA. I am therefore INSECURE and my hair acts as a comfort. Can people stop making me feel worse. Maybe you should try being in my position for once instead of just judging and commenting? Have some respect because you don't know whats going through another persons mind.

I'm so confused about the type of person I want to be and what career I want to follow etc. Extremely confused about EVERYTHING. Except food , I really like food. Finding oneself cannot be forced, but it must really suck if I never achieve that success. I'm really eager to know!!! Will I be a leader or will I be a follower? Will I be in the IS profession or something else? What is my passion? I was so confused in matric about what to study . I figured by the time I'm 1 or 2 years into university it will all become clear to me and it hasn't!!!! This is so horrible. I'm going to graduate next year and still be clueless!! God please help me.

I believe I'm doing okay though considering my intensely crappy year. 3 deaths in 6 months. This year has been the year I've truly experienced death, quite scary and emotionally traumatizing. Its kinda sucking the life out of me. Just one thought about my dad can pretty much make me cry in an instant. My heart is super fragile atm, really hope I don't experience any deaths for a while. Need time to get back on my feet. The beginning of the year I was doing so well, driven and motivated and then I hit a huge obstacle , which was one of many to follow. Lately I've been just sitting alone at campus, trying not to think and doing absolutely nothing. I don't know why though..?

Going to help setup the decor for the ROCSA (Asian committee thingy) formal. Hope my ideas look awesome!!

The last stretch for the year.I can dooooo it. Gotta make lots of dua that I pass everything WELL. Sicking of scraping with just a pass or getting supps!


Sigh now I'm just super angry. So wish I had an on/off button for my emotions!!!!!!!

grrrrrrrr